None More Bitter

Observations on Ozzfest

2005-07-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

So, I went to Ozzfest a couple weeks back. By some quirk of scheduling, the show I attended was the first one of the year. This is what I saw.

My day started a little before 9am. I had been checking the official Ozzfest website for days. The site promised it would be updated with set times. It wasn't. Bastards. A last minute stroke of genius caused me to check a local radio station website. They had the set times. The first band was going on in 15 minutes. Uh oh. So, I started flying down 95 towards Great Woods. Tweeter payed lots of money to change the name of the venue but it will always be Great Woods to me. And I made great time, since 9am is a ridiculous time to start a concert, and everyone was either at work, already at the show, or still in bed.

As I pulled into the parking lot, Soilwork was just starting on the Hot Topic second stage. I had already missed Wicked Wisdom and Gizmachi. I was a little bummed about missing Jada Pinkett's band. Not so much because I thought it would be good, but because I assumed that it would be a train wreck and I wanted to be able to mock her. I've heard the Fresh Prince was standing on the side of the stage during her set. This is Ozzfest, right? Anyway, Soilwork was on stage and from where I was parked I could see them just fine. They sounded great. But I wanted to get into the venue because Arch Enemy would be on in an hour. To the box office!

There was a long line at the box office, because they knew that the only reason I was there was to see a band whose set would be over almost twelve hours before Black Sabbath finished their encore. Why were all these people impeding me from getting into the show? Ozzfest had been sold out for weeks. I hated them all. Then I saw the sign over a seperate window for band guest lists. That was me. And there was no line. This was going to be easy. Right. I went to the window, produced my ID and told the guy that I was on either on the Haunted or the Arch Enemy list. He looked. Nope. Now I had confirmed that I was on the list just the day before. Then it got better. He found my name but the label hadn't followed protocol and the ticket manager wasn't going to give me my ticket until someone jumped through the appropriate hoop. Goddammit! We were getting close to Arch Enemy's set time. I began making annoyed phone calls to the contact name I had been given for just such emergencies. The line was busy. I tried calling the label, even though it was only 7:30 in the morning there. I took a vacation day for this, you bastards. Finally, my phone rang and the label press guy came to straighten things out. I got my ticket. A lawn seat?! Cheap pricks. Whatever. It Dies Today was already off the stage. I had to go.

Arch Enemy was just getting on stage as I got into the second stage area. They rocked. They only played one new song from the forthcoming release, but it sounded good. Angela looked great in that metal chick kinda way. Someday she will love me. Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah, Arch Enemy rocked. The crowd was really into them. There's nothing quite like seeing 1000 pasty white arms pumping in the late morning sun. The problem was that the band only had time to play four songs. I took a day off for four songs?

Now that the band I wanted to see most was already done, I walked around a little. I have to say that the crowd at this show was easily the ugliest collection of people that I have ever seen. And this observation was made before noon. There were still people trickling in. And it wasn't as hot as it was going be yet. This was only going to get uglier. I have to give a special mention to the chick wearing the corpse paint. Holy shit did she look dumb. I tried to take a picture, but I missed her. That might be for the best. I saw her walking around, well staggering really, since she didn't seem to have a grasp of how to walk on her stiletto-heeled death metal shoes, but the picture just didn't work out. And she was accompanied by a guy in a Carpathian Forest t-shirt. Damn. I'll bet that there isn't another Carpathian Forest t-shirt in all of New England. And these clowns were waiting in line to meet Arch Enemy. I was bummed to learn that we had something in common. I also enjoyed watching the guy in the trench coat who was stalking around the venue. It was in the high 80's but there he was, wearing his cool coat. I'm sure that I'm just like everyone else and can't understand him. He's intense, man. He sure seemed to exude an air of danger as he weaved through the crowd. Yeah. I went over to check out the Village of The Damned, but all in all that was kinda boring. And why the hell were the Marines there with a chin up bar? At least I wondered that until the hot chick with the school girl skirt and thigh high white stockings started doing chin ups. She had to have some of the longest legs I've ever seen. At any rate, this display only served to deepen my appreciation of the USMC. Semper Fi.

Bands were getting on and offstage with clock-like precision. I suppose that was impressive considering that this was the first day of the tour. Trivium annoyed me, but they probably suffered for being the band that took the stage right after Arch Enemy. It was a guarantee that they weren't going to amuse me. Black Dahlia Murder was okay, but I doubt I would make an effort to see them again. I was a little disappointed with the Haunted's set. The crowd didn't seem that enthusiastic. Maybe the band played down to that. Next up was Bury Your Dead. How about we just bury this band. They were followed by A Dozen Furies. This is the band that won the gimmicky Battle For Ozzfest. Why the hell did they get to go onstage two hours after Arch Enemy? Not cool. Mastodon was up next and the crowd was more enthusiastic. I've seen Mastodon plenty of times, but I think they're boring. They didn't do much to change that impression. Next up was As I Lay Dying. I liked the music, but the vocals kinda sucked. Also, the singer kept raising his fist and encouraging the crowd to do the same. It was 2:30 by this point and hot under the blazing sun. I was down in the pit. Let me just tell you that a lot of these people were not wearing deodorant. Maybe we could cut back on the fist raising? Killswitch Engage was next. They're from the area and so they got a hometown welcome. They also got a longer set than the previous bands. They used their time well, inspiring more circle pits than any band yet. Throughout the day, there was a constant rain of empty Aquafina bottles flying through the air. I think I smell an ad campaign. This dork standing in front of me had been holding his empty bottle for several songs. Finally, he saw his moment and hurled his own bottle into the fray. I could tell that he was very proud of himself. Loser. When Killswitch Engage took the stage, there was a girl in a wheel chair right behind me. Then the crowd exploded and surged in all directions. She didn't stay there very long.

Finally, it was time for Rob Zombie to close the second stage portion of the program. He came bounding on stage to a thunderous greeting. When he talked to the crowd, he said that this was his band's first show in 3 years, since the last time he was on Ozzfest. He was thrilled to be headlining the second stage. Then he got down to the important things, like pimping his movie. He said the press had called him depraved. The crowd thought that was great. Rob said the press asked him who would go to see such a film. The crowd roared. Rob repeated the question. The crowd roared even louder. So this was why Rob Zombie was headlining the second stage. There was a tent set up for The Devil's Rejects over next to the Trojan tent. I had wandered over there earlier. Inside, there was just a widescreen tv running a continuously looping trailer. Pretty lame. Anyway, in between live infomercials pitching the movie, the band tore through all the old favorites. Rob made mention of working on a new record, but spared us any new tunes. Thanks, Rob. Then Zack Wylde came out, which inspired a "Yankees Suck" chant. That would have been more effective if the Yankees hadn't beaten the Sox the night before. After tearing through a couple White Zombie tunes, Rob was off to go do more press interviews for the movie.

As I was making my way over towards the main stage, a few random thoughts occurred to me. One was that people need to give a lot more thought to the tattoos they get. A lot of the people at the show weren't wearing very much in the way of clothing. And a lot of those people had some really dumb and/or ugly tattoos. Another thought was that I apparently have a thing for goth chicks. Or maybe that was just lonely desperation talking. A third random thought was the traditional mooing like a cow when you're stuck in a slow moving crowd is rarely funny. It gets less funny each time it is repeated. Finally, after what seemed like an hour or so, the herd parted enough for me to make my way to the lawn. The lawn! It would have killed the label to spring for a pavillion seat? They had bands playing the main stage. Cheap bastards.

Up on the lawn, the ugly parade continued. This included several older ugly people who had skipped the second stage and were clearly only interested in Maiden and/or Sabbath. I wasn't sure if I would make it that long. In Flames was on stage, playing their hearts out to a largely indifferent crowd. I couldn't really see them since I was about a mile away and the sun pretty much obscured everything. Originally, In Flames had been scheduled for the second stage. I'm not sure that being the opener of the main stage is any better. Black Label Society was next. Zach kept going on about the Boston chapter of the BLS. In my head, I formed the Boston chapter of These Guys Suck Society. Get off the stage, you hack. I also finally went looking for beer. $7.50 each?! Damn. But wait, what was this? Busch Light for $5.00. The same price as a bottle of Aquafina. That was pretty damn funny, even if it wasn't intentional. And I would be remiss if I did not mention that Great Woods (yeah, yeah Tweeter Center - whatever) totally sucks ass for not opening more of their vendor stands. You had 19,000 people there all damn day and the lines were totally ridiculous. Whatever it might have cost to pay additional staff to man more stations would have been made back many times over. It's bad enough the prices you charge, but to add interminable waits for the privilege of paying too much for shitty food is inexcusable.

Anyway, during BLS' set, I sat down at the very back of the venue. It had been a long day already, I was hot, tired, cranky, the usual. The problem was that I started nodding off. That's right, Zack, your shitty band was putting me to sleep. It occurred to me that falling asleep in this crowd might very well lead to me waking up in a tub of ice minus a kidney. I tried walking around a little. Shadows Fall came on and played a decent set. The crowd seemed at least semi-interested. The band included a couple songs they had never played live before. I guess I was supposed to feel special. Good luck on Atlantic Records, guys. You'll need it. Mudvayne was up next and I hastened to get away from the main stage. I guess you could say that I just don't like Mudvayne. They probably don't care, but they turned out to be the final straw in my day. I realized that from my shitty vantage point on the lawn, I wouldn't really be able to fully appreciate Iron Maiden or Black Sabbath. Plus, I was tired. And I hate waiting to get out of the parking lot after a Great Woods (you heard me) show. And so I went home. I felt kinda lame about that, but feeling lame is pretty familiar to me, so I just took it instride. And this way, I live to rock another day. Or something.

Some people never change

2005-04-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to the Paradise to see a band. The name of the band isn't really important, I was there for work. The truth is that I didn't really want to see either of the bands on the bill, but I since I sell them both, I went anyhow. And I was pretty pissed by the time I got into the club because I had to pay for parking. I've never paid to park near the Paradise. And $20?! Totally ridiculous. I better be able to recoup that on my expenses, dammit.

I knew I was in trouble when I walked into the club and saw a table on stage with a keyboard and a laptop computer sitting there. A guy came out, sat down and played the keyboard. There weren't any vocals. Every so often, he'd stop playing and then he'd fiddle with his computer. He might have been checking his e-mail, but people were cheering for some reason.

I found the whole thing intolerably boring. And when I saw someone videotaping this show, I couldn't imagine why they'd bother. So, when the guy running the camera walked past me, I asked him if he was with the record label. I figured if it couldn't hurt to introduce myself to a guy working for a label that I distribute but video boy just gave me a strange look and said that he wasn't with the label. I put him out of my mind since I needed another beer.

A few minutes later, I learned why I got the strange look. It turns out that I used to work with video boy. He came back towards me again and called me by name. At that point, a faint glimmer of recognition was sparked. The memory wasn't particularly pleasant. Apparently that feeling was mutual, because the first thing that video boy said was "You were a dick to me." This is entirely true. The list of people who will testify that I was a dick to them at some point is rather long. I guess I've got issues. On the other hand, some people just bring this behavior out in me. Like video boy. We worked together in a record store. No one at the store liked video boy. He was a pompous ass. Smug, arrogant, and obnoxious. One year, he won the Super Bowl pool I ran at the store. And he called to gloat, which didn't win him any fans. In fact, I had several people pissed at me, because he won. I argued that it only served to prove that my pool was completely on the level, since there's no way I'd rig it for video boy, but no one was interested in that bit of logic. Anyway, when it came time to pay him off, several people wanted me to pay him $125 in pennies. I had volunteers willing to open every roll. In the end, I paid him with 125 one dollar bills. And each time I counted the money, I made certain that no two bills were facing in the same direction. In retrospect, it was kinda petty, but I've already acknowledged that I can be a dick.

So, back to last week. I apologized to video boy for being a dick. It had been ten years and I was perfectly willing to let bygones be bygones. I'd like to think that I'm not quite as bad as I used to be. I even bought him a beer, although I did have an ulterior motive there. I needed to make sure that I hit the minimum for the tab I was running. Besides, it was a business expense. And as I stood there, listening to video boy talk about his website, I realized that video boy was the same arrogrant prick that made everyone hate him all those years ago. Which is the basis of my premise that some people never change.

I'm not sorry about paying off the Super Bowl pool with one dollar bills, you douche bag. I realize that you probably just went to the count out room and traded the ones for something less unwieldy, but at least I was able to convey the disdain that the majority of the store had for you. It's been a long time since we worked together and I've already spoken to two other people we worked with who still loathe you. If you thought I was a dick, it was intentional. You're insufferable and I'm not the only who thinks that. I'm not really as much of a jerk as I once was. I've grown up a little, but it's refreshing to know that some people will always be assholes.

I hope you enjoyed the beer.

Things that disturb me

2005-04-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

In no particular order:

- People who don't use turn signals. How hard is it to hit that little lever? I'm waiting to cross the street as you come barreling towards me and then you turn. Jackass. Would it have killed you to let me in on your plans? And why is it that my wish for your car to spontaneously explode is never fulfilled?

- Hearing songs I like used in commercials. It took a long time for me to get used to hearing Led Zeppelin shill for Cadillac. What's worse is that I did get used to it. Buick got into the act with Aerosmith. And now Coors is using Jane's Addiction's "Mountain Song". Ugh. At least I'm no longer working in music retail. Nothing is worse than listening to someone with a limited grasp of English trying to describe a snippet of a song that's playing in the background of a Levi's commercial.

- Getting stuck behind a compulsive gambler at the convenience store. I just want to get my soda and newspaper. I've got my money ready. The entire transaction will take less than 10 seconds. And yet I have to wait for you to pore over all 45 different scratch tickets while you look for that elusive big winner. "Gimme two of the $10 tickets. No, not that book, the next one over. Yeah, that one. And five #23's. Oh, and two #34's. And I need three for daily number...." I hope you get that winner, I really do. Of course, I want the thrill of finally winning to give you a massive coronary so you never get to enjoy your money, but best of luck. And why the hell can't the convenience store set things up so that lottery customers have their own damn line so I can get back to my PS2?

- Television repeats for weeks on end for no apparent reason. Lost was a repeat tonight. And it's going to be a repeat again next week? What the hell? I can see going with a repeat when there's a special event on another channel. But there's no reason for all these damn reruns now. Fox is able to put 24 for the entire run without any repeats. And FX shows never have reruns during their seasons. Every Tuesday, I get a new episode of The Shield or Nip/Tuck. It can't be that hard. FX gets bonus points for their rebroadcasts so that I can keep up if I miss a night.

I'm done for now. I don't want to give the impression that these are the only things that bother me because the list goes on and on. But I'm tired.